05/13/08
I have decided that Peter Jackson, the director of The Lord of the Rings movies, must be a hiker. I remember when a group of friends decided that we all wanted to go see the midnight showing of the last movie of the series, The Return of the King, and I somehow became sick during the movie. Somewhere about two hours into the movie, I was pretty sure I was going to puke, but the movie looked like it was ending so I figured I’d wait it out then rush to the bathroom. Sure enough, the battle in the movie comes to an end, and it screen kind of dims down as if we are going to see the credits. As I started out of my seat to run to the bathroom to erupt, another scene began. This happened three times and lasted for another hour before the movie was finally over! I ran so quickly to the bathroom on the other end of the closed theater at 3 am, and it took my friends about a half of an hour to find me finally. Now, I say that Peter Jackson must have been a hiker, because I think he got his inspiration for multiple endings while he was on a trail somewhere.
On Saturday, I took a trip to Mt. Baldy, near LA. The hike was supposed to be about 5 miles, and a climb of about 4000 feet. The trail was not marked at the beginning, and somewhere along the way I began looking up the mountain, trying to see where the end would be. There were no mile markers on the trail, so I also couldn’t figure out how far I’d gone already. At about half way up, there was a cabin where people stopped to have a snack, and rest. As I was approaching this shack, I felt like maybe this was it, maybe I’d reached the top already. Of course I was wrong! After a short rest, we continued up the mountain, and as the air thinned, and my breathing got heavy, I would look up to where the mountain seemed to flatten over the horizon. Surely, this is the top, just another hundred feet or so. Once I would reach the suspected summit, another hill would appear ahead of me. Again, and again I was disappointed because I couldn’t see the top, the end of my trip. Finally, the exhaustion may have caught up with me and I had to really check myself and ask myself, “What if I could see the top? Would that make me choose whether I want to continue or not?” I decided, no, I am going to reach this summit no matter what. What’s the difference if I see the top?
I don’t know who invented mile markers on trails, or trailhead signs, or summit signs, but I think they are distractions. I mean, we focus so much on markers that we forget about the hike. In the Bible, I remember David crying often, “How Long, Lord, How Long?” How long for freedom? How long do we suffer? How long do we wait for You?
Today, I sit in a coffee shop with ragged old couches, and yellow walls that strangely make me think of Crème Brule (don’t ask why), and I am jobless with no clue what the next step is. I find myself crying, “How Long, God? How long before you let me see my purpose, my place in the world?” I am hearing His answer a little more each day. I was offered a contract short term job over summer, which would require some travel to LA, which seems perfect, but something just doesn’t seem right, there is just something more out there and I know it. Maybe it’s just that I will get stuck in the same old full-time rut if I take this job. Maybe I will lose focus for getting through school. Maybe it’s just that I don’t want to be a part of using so much gas to travel that far, even once a week. Whatever it is, I am hearing a voice for the first time in my life that feels real. Whenever I’ve felt a voice, or calling in my life before, I didn’t trust it – actually I didn’t trust myself. I thought that it was just me telling myself what to do. But this time, I strangely feel at peace with the fact that I have no money, no job, and no car right now. Each day, I panic a little at some point, but I just somehow know that it will work out.
I’m not going to live with mile markers anymore. Society has plagued us with markers, and with a specific trail that we are supposed to follow to achieve success. Go to High School, Graduate. Go to College, Graduate. Get an internship, finish it. Get a job at Starbucks, Quit. Get a job at a big corporation, work your way up. Spend your life at that one place, even if you’re unhappy. Get married, have kids. Die.
I know that I wouldn’t be who I am if I followed that path. It’s funny how many English classes teach students the poem, “The Road Less Traveled”, yet students are looked down upon for taking that road, even though it will make all the difference. I think that when I come to a fork in the road, I tend to take that unbeaten path. My failure so far has been that I take that road and still expect to find mile markers, and oasis’s along the way that make the trip easier. What is closer to the truth is that it is much easier to get lost on that road. You must always fend for yourself around every turn. Still, in the end it will make all the difference.
Posts
